Here we are at the end of 2022 and still Covid 19 persists, albeit in a more manageable form. For those with low immunity issues or the elderly, it's a fear which may still be ongoing. I try to be compassionate and understanding around this even though it's personally catalogued to the back of my mind. A distant memory of something catastrophic that happened drawing the entire world to a standstill. Who'd have ever thought??
Now we are left to deal with the after effects, and still waking up to the exponentiated effects of trauma and mental health issues affecting people across the board.What we discovered is people are very rarely prepared. Well we could say 'Yes, but who can prepare for something like this?" I intend mentally and emotionally, not logistically.
I always try to see different points of view.On one hand I have to say "Yes I agree" on the other I want to say "Actually there are always ways of being better prepared mentally and emotionally." It's all in the practice really.
I make no secret of the fact I've suffered with Trauma and/or Mental Health issues, including Chronic Suicide and Sell Harm. I made my very last Suicide Attempt in 2019.If you've read about me you will know during/after that attempt I knew beyond any doubt I was meant to live and was going to live no matter how many times I may be taken down by the piece of meat residing in my head. So to be honest I was raring to go - Ready to jump back into life at least in some way.
Hmm. Covid 19 had other idea's. Jumping back into life meant living in solitary confinement in my house. I didn't even have a bubble! My mamma was in a home and I wasn't allowed to see her and well, she was my bubble. Yet while many were freaking out ( and understandably so) I just got down to the business of healing, transforming, growing. Don't get me wrong I was kind of miffed that I finally felt freed from a prison in my mind and body and now I was being thrown into another.And yes, I did look to the Heavens more than once and say " You've got to be freaking kidding me?' however it had no real effect, in fact no effect on my mental state at all.
Ii'm hoping you don't take this the wrong way but there was something comforting about having everyone in the same position as me. Not the narcissistic kind of " Now you know how I feel" but " Oh, I'm not on my own here, even though I am."I know a few people who felt the same way. Comforted in a sense.
Back to my mental/emotional/Trauma state during Covid 19..It could have gone two ways: It could have worsened which you would expect, or I could sail through - which I kind of did. At the time I was broke - I mean financially.I was living on £400 a month. I could barely heat my house. ( Yes this was pre Cost of Living crisis- another thing that was a breeze for me). I'd gone from earning six figures a year coaching and teaching to erm well zero for a while. Yes I needed to eat and live but my health took top priority and I chose to step away to really try and sort this out once and for all. . I'm kind of that Practice what I preach type of gal and I felt I owed it to my clients too. Before you imagine I had shed loads of money saved, to maintain that decision. think again. A gazillion bad decisions meant I'd blew it all. To be honest I don't even have a pension pot or many National Insurance contributions for a future so I was really on precarious grounds - Oh I do have a little, and humble house in Costa Rica but guess what? It was broken into during Covid and they cleared me out though did no damage.( Well I have to thank them for that.) So as you can imagine I was like knee deep in horse manure and yet the whole thing was like water off a duck's back!
I took the stance "OMG. I've been through so much you want to imagine this is going to take me down?" It just felt easy like a bit of a permission slip break. I was prepared and I was resilient. The magnitude and intensity of my life before translated this saga in my brain as "Easy." Is this usual?" Not necessarily. There is no way of knowing how one perceives vs another, We each live by an entirely personal view of our world. It's hard for us to imagine this ( As we know when someone thinks they know better than you - erm thy don't). But yes there is some truth to having a fairly stable life then something happens - no preparation nor recognition vs having an unstable life mired with repeated adversity AND HAVING DONE SOME LEVEL OF HEALING AND TRANSFORMATION and therefore being prepared. I knew it i'd seen it all before.
However I cannot deny it was comforting having you all sit in your house while I was sitting in mine.
For all of those who loved and lost I'm sorry. For all of those who suffered with mental health issues I'm sorry too. You have a chance to heal. There is always another day and the way the wold is heading there is always another saga waiting to unfold. Please take care of your health!
With love
Debs x
